Blog Archives

July 17-28, 2016

7/28/2016

An apartment building was evacuated this week due to a strong order that was produced when a tenant cooked his own urine. The man was not charged with any crime after promising to never home-brew Coors Light again.
Debra Messing and Blake Shelton got into an argument on Twitter about politics, which only hurt their credibility as America's 1,345th and 1,654th most trusted political pundits.
It was so hot in New York City this week that a man stripped naked and went for a walk around the Upper West Side on 69th Street, because of course he was on 69th Street.
A Canadian woman fired her pellet gun at Pokemon Go players in downtown Toronto this week in order to protect her gym. I have no idea what any of that means, I'm just jealous this makes Canada's headlines while in America <<<on screen graphic of gun violence from this week>>

7/11/2016

The Republican Party will declare pornography a public health crisis at their convention next week, so I'm sure that no one will mind then that we set-up a passcode for the adult programming at the hotels. Good luck watching such titles as The 69th Amendment and Poling Ms. Daisy now.
A federal court has ruled that sharing your Netflix password is a crime and it now could land you in jail. Thankfully I just finished season three of Orange is the New Black on my uncle’s account, so I’m sure I could handle myself.

Internet users furious at Kaley Cuoco for a picture she posted with her dogs sitting on an American flag. When asked if they would like to talk to her in person, they responded, “duh…ummm…nah, it’s cool” before retreating to their mom’s basements.

Kim Kardashian is worried that if she has a third child she will quote never be the same down there. I don’t have a joke for this, I just can’t unsee that imagine and I needed someone else to suffer with me.

A Florida man is under arrest after stabbing a friend in the back over two dollars he owed him. You should see where he stabbed the guy who owed him five dollars.

7/11/2016

Researchers at the University of California - Berkeley are reporting that bromances are good for your health. According to those same researchers, also good for your health is drinking beer, watching football and not seeing your wife on Sundays.
A 911 dispatcher was demoted for placing calls for help on hold to play video games. You have one job. Phone rings, pick up call, help person, hang up, wait for the next call. What could he possibly have been demoted to?
A British couple spent nearly $100,000 cloning their recently deceased dog. This is crazy to me, because it’s just going to die again. That seems like a lot of money to spend on being miserable. Cleveland Browns season tickets would be way cheaper.
It’s official. Dutch driving instructors are now allowed to trade driving lessons for sex, giving new meaning to the words stick shift.
A man broke his leg while hypnotized at a comedy show in Omaha is now suing the hypnotist. The case isn’t getting very far though, because when anyone says the words your honor, the man jumps from his seat, walks over to the nearest female and climbs on top of her.