Weekend Update Jokes: September 7-14, 2015

In order to stay fresh and on top of my writing game, every week on my blog I will post a few Weekend Update style set-ups and punch lines.  Your feedback is welcomed and encouraged.  If you laughed...awesome, let me know about it!  If you thought it was the worst thing you've ever read, and that is saying a lot because you've got more than a few text messages from your crazy ex on your phone, let me know that as well!

• Kim Davis has returned to work and vowed to not deny marriage licenses to same-sex couples.  But after four marriages, do you really put much faith in a Kim Davis vow?
• Billionaire Mark Cuban has said that if he were to run for president he would beat Hillary Clinton and crush Donald Trump.  When reached for comment, Trump stated there was no way he would lose to any Latino, let alone a Cuban.
• 7-Eleven is now delivering Date Night packs directly to your home.  Packs include ice cream, a chocolate bar, a can of Red Bull, chewing gum and a three pack of condoms.  Gentlemen, if you find a woman who thinks this combination is a perfect date night pack, hold onto her. Hold onto her and never ever let her go.
• Presidential hopeful Rick Santorium told CNN this week that he doesn't believe that Supreme Court rulings are the law of the land. And this guy wants to be president? <Graphic showing his drastically low poll numbers>.  Ah, alright, nevermind.  Let's let little Ricky believe whatever he wants <Photo of Santa Claus wielding a machine gun>.

Again...let me know what you think by commenting below or using the contact  page to send me some mail of the electronic variety!