So here is a disclaimer before I get started. Life is good. I truly have nothing to complain about. That being said...
I've got a lot of problems with you people...
In the spirit of Festivus, the holiday created by the television sitcom Seinfeld, here are a few of the things that absolutely drive me up a wall:
1) Bicyclists on the road. Yes you have the same right to use the road, I agree with that. However, when you blow through stop signs, never yield when you're suppose to and generally expect the world to revolve around you, I can't stand it. And yet if you cut in front of my car and I hit you and your spandex covered self, somehow it would be my fault for not sharing the road.
2) So do you smoke? Good for you. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. It's not for me, but hey, to each their own. Do you throw your cigarette butts out of your car window while driving, therefore littering and making a mess of my neighborhood? Now you're just jerk Stop littering jerk.
3) Hey Hallmark and Lifetime channels: Your movies suck, but somehow when I start watching I can't stop. The ending is predictable, the middle is boring, and I just lost two hours of my life that I'll never have back. Thanks for nothing.
4) Celebrities. They are people just like you and me. They eat, they poop, they just have more money than us. Yet some of us follow their every move as if they were the second coming of Christ. Let them live people. And stop idolizing them and putting them on a pedestal.
5) Speaking of celebrities, why on Earth are the Kardashians famous?
6) Texting when you should call. Emailing when you should call. Not calling when you should call. Stop being chicken. Or lazy. Or selfish. Or whatever is the reason you don't just call. People were meant to talk to each other. Start doing it again.
7) My dog has to go out a lot at night. Like overnights. It isn't her fault, but I still hate it.
8) The Chicago Bears. Still my favorite team, but this year...man. Enough said.
Short list this year. There is more...much more. But here is the thing (and this is why Festivus would never work). We live in a society, and in order to be a part of it, you sometimes have to deal with...well, the stupid. We all do it. We have to, otherwise it wouldn't work. If we all aired all of our grievances, our Facebook friend count would be near 37 and society as a whole would crumble.
But let's also be honest and step back for a minute and realize just how great we do have it. Even with our issues, problems, lies, and grievances, life is damn good, and I am happy to wake up each day and take part in it.
Happy Festivus everyone (and Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, etc, etc)!
Chris Thomas is a full-time teacher, part-time freelance writing, father of three, and most importantly, a very, very tired man.
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