Well everyone it is time for Festivus and the annual airing of grievances. Here we go!
1) The NHL: You can go screw yourselves. I don't care who is at fault, all I know is that most nights now that football is winding down the only thing I have to watch for sports on TV is the NBA. The NBA! Work it out already! Do you really think two major work stoppages in ten years is a great way to run a business? It's not.
2) To people who don't look behind them when entering a door. Did you ever stop and think that there just might be someone else walking into the building behind you? How hard is it to turn your head over your shoulder and see if there is someone behind you. And I'm not even asking for you to completely get out of my way and hold it open for me. Rather just give a little effort and attempt to keep it from slamming in the faces of your fellow man. As surprising as this might be to these people, the world does not revolve around you.
3) Have you ever been stuck behind a slow driver? I have no problem with the slow driver (unless you're in the left lane of the expressway, then get the hell over). Here is my issue. I'll be behind this slow car and I will signal to get over. Then the car behind me instead of allowing me this lane change will swerve over, without signaling, and speed ahead of us both. I know you're angry because you are stuck behind this slow driver, but so I am. I hope that your aggressive crappy driving helps you feel better about the situation.
4) Speaking of drivers, I can't stand it when I am going down the road and a car pulls out from a side street in front of me, especially when I look in the mirror and see that there is no one behind me. What, you couldn't wait the five seconds for me to pass? Is it that important to be first? And does this person ever pull into the lane I am not in. Of course not, they cut right in front of me to make sure I know that they are indeed a huge jerk.
5) I love my iPhone, but I hate texting. I send text messages when I need to, like when I am in places where I can't talk. You know, meetings, doctor's offices, church. I don't send text messages when I could easily pick up a phone and, I don't know, have a conversation with someone. A guy by the name of Marconi was the first to send a text message in 1908. He sent a Morse code message from America to England. It was amazing. He used radio waves to do so. Men actually died setting this process up (and no I am not kidding, they fell off of towers while constructing them so that we could communicate via wireless across the ocean). And then they harnessed this power to be able to send vocal messages. We call it radio. It developed into more and now we have cell phones. And if Marconi came back from the dead today and saw these kids sending text messages, I'd like to think he would slap the damn phones right out of your hands. The art of conversation is dying and it is your fault.
6) People who think they have all the answers but actually don't know crap about anything. I got into a Facebook argument (I know, I am an idiot for even doing so) with a guy about teacher pensions in Chicago. He not only gave out his unsolicited solutions for solving the city's fiscal issues, he also proceeded to tell me that if I didn't like it I should get out of teaching because if I didn't like it I should get another job. Yes, you hit the nail on the head buddy. I got into teaching to become a billionaire. I didn't get into it to help kids learn and grow. Thankfully, he was there to remind me that all of my opinions are wrong and he is right. Oh, and never mind I pointed him to multiple sources (sources that were not Wikipedia) that proved he was wrong about his facts (not about his opinions), I was reading them wrong.
6 1/2) Wikipedia should not be used a source for anything. Anyone can edit and change it. Don't believe me? Check this out and let me know how much you bel
7) Philadelphia. I still can't stand this city. I've never met more angry, irrational people than the people I have met from Philly. And for any Philly friends that may be reading this, I have two exceptions to this rule: A) If you are from Philly and have since moved out you're cool. In fact, everyone I know from Philly that has left the city but still has roots there ultimately has been cool, which leads me to believe there is something in the water or air and that it is indeed not the people's fault. And B) If you are reading this, still live in Philly and think you are an alright human being, you are probably right. There are always exceptions to the rules.
8) Hey How I Met Your Mother producers and writing staff: It's been seven and a half seasons already and we still don't know who the mother is. Please for the love of all things holy tell us before the last episode. Do not end the show with Ted's wedding and then give us no time to develop that story. I love your show but that will piss me off.
9) Neil Patrick Harris. I've got no problems with you. You're flat out awesome. You can act, sing, dance, raise twins. What can't you do.
10) Ticket Prices are insane. I recently bought some tickets to an event and after all of the fees, charges, etc, it was an additional $22.00 per ticket. Holy crap when is it going to stop? One day people are going to be sitting in $125 seats drinking $14 beers eating $8 hot dogs and stand up, shout "screw this" and walk out of the event. Only problem is there will be someone dumb enough out there to step up and buy those $125 tickets on Stub Hub for $175, go there and get drunk on $14 beers to the tune of $84 and then proceed to throw up $16 worth of hot dogs all over the floor. And this, my friends, is why it won't stop.
Thanks for taking the time to read this (and all of my blog postings). It is certainly a lot cheaper than therapy :) Now on to the Feats of Strength. Who's going to step up? Hopefully not the guy from the Facebook argument, he looked a lot bigger than me in his profile picture.
Chris Thomas is a full-time teacher, part-time freelance writing, father of three, and most importantly, a very, very tired man.
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