August 18-August 21, 2016

• An Ohio man is arrested after trying to have sex with his van.  What's really sick is the van was only three years old.
• <<Photo of Clinton Foundation logo on screen>>The Clinton Foundation announced that if Hillary wins it will stop accepting foreign money.  <<Switch logo to new logo with maple leaves instead of stars>> And if Trump wins, the foundation will become a foreign foundation
• The Mongolian wrestling coach stripped down to his underwear after his country was denied the bronze medal due to a judging issue.  If history has taught us anything, you should not tick off Mongolians <<Photo of ancient Mongols>>. 
• A recent survey shows that the majority of men and republicans believe that sexism is no longer an issue.  When asked if a woman could then be president, they responded, if only a republican woman wanted to run <<Photo montage of Republic female senators/congressmen>>.  Damn it if there was just one.
• It's mid-August and the Chicago Cubs are still in first place, prompting fans to prepare for a major letdown this Fall instead of the normal one they are used to experiencing.